It's not something wrong with you either. You're just at two ends of a spectrum on how high those highs go.
[He tugs the demon back in close.]
Maybe you should write some of this down? I think she'd get it-- if you could explain how it feels like you did to me. But if you say it out loud to her and you're still feeling raw about it, it'll probably be harder not to get mad again.
[Rhys props himself up on his elbows, looking at Betelgeuse seriously.]
If all she cared about was keeping you happy so she could get her deal, why wouldn't she have lied to you?
[He holds out a hand, trying to coax Betelgeuse back into his arms.]
Because she needs her friendship with you to be real. Not-- a story she's telling you to make you behave yourself. She's probably just as sad as you are that it isn't enough.
[he shakes his head, holding Rhys' hand but not letting himself be pulled back into the hug]
That might be, but she's not sad. She's fucking irritated because I'm making a thing about this and throwing a tantrum.
And why the fuck shouldn't I? I have been on my best behavior, relatively speaking, since I got here. I wanna graduate just as bad. I love my warden. She doesn't love me. Probably never will, no matter what I do or how hard I try.
Just - Fuck - can I just be sad about this? Mourn the loss of something I wanted and can't ever get? I get it, I adored her, I was an idiot, and it blinded me to her real feelings, ah-gain.
Like I just wanted the story to end differently, for once.
You definitely get to be sad, babe. You get to throw a tantrum, and feel sorry for yourself, and eat ice cream, and have all your friends coddle you and tell you how great you are and how much we love you.
[Rhys pulls Betelgeuse's hand forward then, if he can't get the rest of him. He brings the other man's knuckles to his lips.]
But you don't get to burn the relationship that you have with her because it isn't the one you want it to be.
I know, I know that you and Elijah are both better at this than I am. I don't know why.
[He falls quiet for a long moment.]
I guess-- when I asked Elijah if we could be not exclusive-- It was a different situation to this one. He wouldn't officially call me his boyfriend, he was super cagey about how much he liked me, I guess-- I was kinda lonely. And then I met this guy who was so in my face, and so greedy for my attention, and so full on, all the time, and I--
[Another pause.]
I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want you to feel like I felt. I don't want you to doubt that I like you, I don't want you to feel like there's something missing. And-- I'm worried that you're gonna do this differently to me, and you're going to be better at it than I am, and you're probably gonna have a boyfriend on every floor and I'm going to have to compete with them all for your attention, when I only even got into this open relationship thing with Elijah in the first place because--
No, I messaged you in the middle of the night for a booty call because I didn't think you were a cute guy who made me laugh and I had awesome chemistry with.
[While he's here, he gives Betelgeuse a little cheek pinch.]
Hey, I get that. I'm nasty. But I'd still fight him on his own turf if you wanted me to.
[he grins back, exhaling]
It feels like I'm happy. Like I could stay here forever and not freak out about being trapped under you and your, jesus, really fine bedsheets, holy shit, what's the thread count on these babies?
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Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
I just have higher highs, lower lows. Nothing we do is gonna change that, I get it.
I don't know how I'm going to go back to working with her after this.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[He tugs the demon back in close.]
Maybe you should write some of this down? I think she'd get it-- if you could explain how it feels like you did to me. But if you say it out loud to her and you're still feeling raw about it, it'll probably be harder not to get mad again.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Sure. Only problem with that is that I can't spell great. You've seen how I am with my own name.
And I guess I'm kinda worried she'll yell at me.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[Rhys suggests, gently, letting Betelgeuse snuggle in.]
Why do you think she'd yell at you? Do you think you upset her?
[It's a gentle question, but a slightly prying one. It's probably good for Betelgeuse to think about how Hange might feel about this...]
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[he almost - almost - goes to say her hometown. But he stops. Remembers that Hange threatened him if he told anyone, even Rhys. And sighs]
Stupid shit. Things like I couldn't even know about, living shit. I get jealous.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[Stroking the back of Betelgeuse's head, then gently rubbing little lines down his back.]
I think-- if I was her, I'd probably be upset that you thought you weren't important to me because I couldn't say the L word.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
I'm important to her because I'm her ticket off this boat. She keeps me happy and focused, she gets her deal.
If it's only a word, why can't she say it?
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
If all she cared about was keeping you happy so she could get her deal, why wouldn't she have lied to you?
[He holds out a hand, trying to coax Betelgeuse back into his arms.]
Because she needs her friendship with you to be real. Not-- a story she's telling you to make you behave yourself. She's probably just as sad as you are that it isn't enough.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
That might be, but she's not sad. She's fucking irritated because I'm making a thing about this and throwing a tantrum.
And why the fuck shouldn't I? I have been on my best behavior, relatively speaking, since I got here. I wanna graduate just as bad. I love my warden. She doesn't love me. Probably never will, no matter what I do or how hard I try.
Just - Fuck - can I just be sad about this? Mourn the loss of something I wanted and can't ever get? I get it, I adored her, I was an idiot, and it blinded me to her real feelings, ah-gain.
Like I just wanted the story to end differently, for once.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[Rhys pulls Betelgeuse's hand forward then, if he can't get the rest of him. He brings the other man's knuckles to his lips.]
But you don't get to burn the relationship that you have with her because it isn't the one you want it to be.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Yeah. Fuck...
Hey, can you say that again to me?
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[He strokes Betelgeuse's cheek with his thumb, slow and approving.]
You're so, so great, and I love you to bits. Lots of people do.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
I love you too. I love you so much, Stringbean, it's ridiculous.
...shit, okay, that reminds me. There's a new inmate in town and he's really really cute. I think he might be into me?
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Is he cuter than me? Do I need to be his love rival for you?
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Nobody is cuter than you, baby bear.
That being said, I wouldn't mind it if two boys fought over my affections...
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[Another little swipe of his thumb under Betelgeuse's eye, just making sure that those tears are dry.]
That's why you got all these boys chasing you now. Because you're a little cutie.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Thanks. I am cute and little. And you have the better hair and bone structure.
So it's cool if I start leading him on?
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[Rhys looks perplexed.]
I figured-- you don't want to just go to bed with him for real?
[Then, quickly clarifying:]
Just to be clear, I'll still be jealous and hate on him from afar. And maybe from up close too.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Why are you so jealous? I'm not jealous of Elijah. Top Knot is gorgeous. And so's this guy.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[He falls quiet for a long moment.]
I guess-- when I asked Elijah if we could be not exclusive-- It was a different situation to this one. He wouldn't officially call me his boyfriend, he was super cagey about how much he liked me, I guess-- I was kinda lonely. And then I met this guy who was so in my face, and so greedy for my attention, and so full on, all the time, and I--
[Another pause.]
I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want you to feel like I felt. I don't want you to doubt that I like you, I don't want you to feel like there's something missing. And-- I'm worried that you're gonna do this differently to me, and you're going to be better at it than I am, and you're probably gonna have a boyfriend on every floor and I'm going to have to compete with them all for your attention, when I only even got into this open relationship thing with Elijah in the first place because--
[Just say it.]
Because I got such a big gross crush on you.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
He laughs, just to break the tension a bit, and hugs Rhys' hand to his face]
Awwww-! Baby Bear, did you have a crush?
I've never been the other woman before. Oh shit, do I have to fight Elijah now for your love?
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[While he's here, he gives Betelgeuse a little cheek pinch.]
And only if you guys mud wrestle.
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[he laughs, grabbing Rhys by the wrist and pulling him closer for a kiss]
I've never felt this way before!
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[He lets himself be pulled down though, leaning in close for a quick little kiss.]
Yeah? What exactly does it feel like, huh?
[Asked innocently. He knows you've been in love before. He kinda hopes that you also feel-- safe, I guess?]
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
[he grins back, exhaling]
It feels like I'm happy. Like I could stay here forever and not freak out about being trapped under you and your, jesus, really fine bedsheets, holy shit, what's the thread count on these babies?
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back
Re: Text - when he's got his communicator back