He takes the sandwich and wolfs it down. While talking.
"Well. It's like...you spend thousands of years doing one thing, being alone and cursed and abandoned and then you come here and everything's wonderful until you're alone again. And I can't help thinking about Rhys and all. Where he's at, if he even fucking remembers me."
"Have you considered that that's part of the problem? Your perception that
this is a brief diversion from the norm, rather than a new norm in and of
itself," he elaborates.
He falls silent, chewing on the idea for a little bit.
"...I don't know how much I can change. Like I don't even FEEL different from when I first showed up here. Supposed to be graduated and I could just. Go right back to what I was doing without problems."
"So could I," Elijah says, shrugging. "So could any of us. I don't feel any
different, and it was never Quentin's job to change who I am as a person.
What I am is more aware. Of my choices, of their potential consequences,
of their impact on others. And I can use that awareness to make decisions
which will limit harm. If I'm also depressed, or overly dependent on
others to make me happy, those are my own problems to resolve."
"See, that's what I don't get about you guys. You're all like 'oh! tell me about your problems! we haven't seen you in a while!' and then I do and you're all 'oh that's your problem, I can't fix it for you, you're burning me out'. This is exactly why I didn't talk for like, weeks."
"I didn't say they were yours to solve alone. But they're also not yours
to just...wallow in. Other people will help you but you need to have some
willingness to help yourself and seek support, Betelgeuse."
"Or what? You won't get Loki's graduation outta me?" He waves a hand, dismissing it.
"The kid's going to graduate. I got him. I can do both, I've wallowed in my sleep for chrissakes. Loki's an amazing guy and he's well on his way to getting out of this dump, I wouldn't leave him in the lurch."
"I'm leaving the Barge soon," Elijah points out, levelly. "I won't be
getting anything 'out of you' regardless. I'm not questioning your ability
or your dedication. I'm just...concerned. About you."
But if he's set on his downward spiral, then he's welcome to it.
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Elijah pinches the bridge of his nose briefly. You could have started with any of those, BJ, what feels like hours ago.
"Can I recommend focusing on the things you can actually change?"
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"Why would I? Nothing changes. This was a nice couple of years' break, but after this gig it's right back to where I started."
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"Please explain your reasoning," Elijah says, levelly, and offers him a sandwich.
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"Well. It's like...you spend thousands of years doing one thing, being alone and cursed and abandoned and then you come here and everything's wonderful until you're alone again. And I can't help thinking about Rhys and all. Where he's at, if he even fucking remembers me."
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Elijah nibbles the sandwich he made for himself.
"So what are you going to do?"
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"Dunno. Graduate Loki first. Then figure my shit out."
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"Do you think you can help someone else before you help yourself?"
It's basically a rhetorical question, and it sounds like one.
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"Yeah. Done it before."
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"When?"
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"Uh, every day of my life before I was banished? Christ."
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"So: so long ago that it's not really relevant to your experience here and now," Elijah says mildly.
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"I'm thousands of years old, babe. This is a blip."
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"Have you considered that that's part of the problem? Your perception that this is a brief diversion from the norm, rather than a new norm in and of itself," he elaborates.
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"...I don't know how much I can change. Like I don't even FEEL different from when I first showed up here. Supposed to be graduated and I could just. Go right back to what I was doing without problems."
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"So could I," Elijah says, shrugging. "So could any of us. I don't feel any different, and it was never Quentin's job to change who I am as a person. What I am is more aware. Of my choices, of their potential consequences, of their impact on others. And I can use that awareness to make decisions which will limit harm. If I'm also depressed, or overly dependent on others to make me happy, those are my own problems to resolve."
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"See, that's what I don't get about you guys. You're all like 'oh! tell me about your problems! we haven't seen you in a while!' and then I do and you're all 'oh that's your problem, I can't fix it for you, you're burning me out'. This is exactly why I didn't talk for like, weeks."
He gets up, stretching.
"Thanks for the sandwich."
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Elijah sighs.
"I didn't say they were yours to solve alone. But they're also not yours to just...wallow in. Other people will help you but you need to have some willingness to help yourself and seek support, Betelgeuse."
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"The kid's going to graduate. I got him. I can do both, I've wallowed in my sleep for chrissakes. Loki's an amazing guy and he's well on his way to getting out of this dump, I wouldn't leave him in the lurch."
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"I'm leaving the Barge soon," Elijah points out, levelly. "I won't be getting anything 'out of you' regardless. I'm not questioning your ability or your dedication. I'm just...concerned. About you."
But if he's set on his downward spiral, then he's welcome to it.
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"So this is our last conversation, then?"
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"...I think that depends on you. On what else you'd want to talk about."
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"Not yet," he admits. "I'm still working that out. But you'll be - at least the second to know, when I do."
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"And don't be concerned about me, kid. I go through these blue periods once every decade or so."
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"...I understand. But this 'blue period' probably has far less in common with however many hundreds preceded it."
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