[he gives a watery grin, going with Hange without protest for a change]
Damn I missed you. Glad you’re back.
Yeah. Um. I fucked things up bad with Tiffany. Seriously burned that bridge. And Rhys is gone. Elijah too but at least he stuck around long enough to tell me he was gonna try to find the little guy.”
A breath. It’s been rough.
“Can’t really seem to snap back to my old self after that. Is Bill....?”
"Still here. Doing terrible! I mean, just awful. I'm worried about him. He really wants to be out of here and I want him out too, but graduated, not sucked back to whatever... pit he was stuck in originally, to claw at the walls and go nuts."
Jesus she is so worried about the little bastard. So worried.
"Tiffany didn't work out at all, huh? I am sorry. Sometimes it just doesn't, and there's nothing you can do. Not a fun lesson, I know."
how the hell did I manage to switch tenses in mid tag I am so sorry
He gives a huge sigh. At least Bill isn't gone, but he worries about the guy too.
"Yeah. I feel that."
BJ gives a rough shake of his head when Hange asks after Tiffany. "S'my own fault. That's what kills me. That I put me in that situation and now we're not gonna ever pal around like we used to."
Anyway. He tries to put on a cheerful smile, and it only makes it halfway there.
"Well, you already got one horrible demon out. What's another?"
From titanologist to demonologist, that'd be fun. A new, weird, scary field of study, that'd fit her down to the ground.
She pauses in their little stroll, takes him by the shoulders, spins him around to face her.
"I'm sorry."
It's... pretty serious.
"I know this is hard for you. Not a fun lesson to learn. But sometimes, when someone doesn't want you or anything you have to offer, the best thing you can do for both of you is just to... stop."
He blinks in surprise when Hange stops him, stopping in his tracks with his arms flat to his sides. He'd pretty much go wherever she directed him at this point, and it's telling that he doesn't really burst into tears or direct his sadness on Hange.
Instead, BJ gives a nod bad, slow and sad but reserved.
"Yeah. Yeah, I...get that now. Took me like two thousand years to get it. There's a lotta regret tied up in wishing I learned it earlier."
A sniff, and a small grin;
"Hey, but then we probs wouldn't have met, right?"
Hange drops her hands from his shoulders, takes his grubby hands in hers instead.
"It's not easy to learn. It's not easy to do. I know. I... when my comrades died again and again... the loss was almost unbearable. I felt like I'd go insane... you'd think it would be easier if they were alive. For me it is in some ways. They're alive whether they appreciate what a gift that is or not. But I know that it still hurts... I know that it hurts you..."
"Well, if anybody can graduate a demon, it's you, kid. You're already one for one. Hey, uh. Since you've got the memory of them, would it help to talk about them sometime? Memories are all the dead really have anyway."
"Maybe." Muffled into his shoulder. "Probably. I made their faces... they were wonderful people. Courageous. Devoted to the cause. Not the type to say 'only the people on our island are safe and that's enough.'"
"Shit." He sounds sad about it, too. "Yeah, the good die young, don't they? They sound like kick-ass people. Way better than any of the assholes I've met."
Hange wraps her arms around him briefly and just. Hangs. Hange-s.
She is heavy.
She takes her own weight back after a tiny bit.
"The good do die young. Bill thought we should've power-grabbed and made other people go outside the walls, but I wouldn't have loved them if they thought like that."
If Hange gets sad, it's going to be a wrestling match to get unsad again. Better to not let the low really dip in the first place. She does take her ex-inmate's hand, though.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[It's a genuine laugh, though it peters out fast. She leans, briefly, into the hug, stink and all.]
How long have you been in there, huh? Maybe we should pry you out. I bet the enclosure could offer us a nice woods.
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[he comes out of the room to shut the door]
Woods sound cool.
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Sorry I was gone for so long. I wish I knew why that happened.
[Comas disturb her.]
It's not like you to be so unsociable...
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Damn I missed you. Glad you’re back.
Yeah. Um. I fucked things up bad with Tiffany. Seriously burned that bridge. And Rhys is gone. Elijah too but at least he stuck around long enough to tell me he was gonna try to find the little guy.”
A breath. It’s been rough.
“Can’t really seem to snap back to my old self after that. Is Bill....?”
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Jesus she is so worried about the little bastard. So worried.
"Tiffany didn't work out at all, huh? I am sorry. Sometimes it just doesn't, and there's nothing you can do. Not a fun lesson, I know."
how the hell did I manage to switch tenses in mid tag I am so sorry
"Yeah. I feel that."
BJ gives a rough shake of his head when Hange asks after Tiffany. "S'my own fault. That's what kills me. That I put me in that situation and now we're not gonna ever pal around like we used to."
Anyway. He tries to put on a cheerful smile, and it only makes it halfway there.
"Well, you already got one horrible demon out. What's another?"
i luv you
From titanologist to demonologist, that'd be fun. A new, weird, scary field of study, that'd fit her down to the ground.
She pauses in their little stroll, takes him by the shoulders, spins him around to face her.
"I'm sorry."
It's... pretty serious.
"I know this is hard for you. Not a fun lesson to learn. But sometimes, when someone doesn't want you or anything you have to offer, the best thing you can do for both of you is just to... stop."
<3
Instead, BJ gives a nod bad, slow and sad but reserved.
"Yeah. Yeah, I...get that now. Took me like two thousand years to get it. There's a lotta regret tied up in wishing I learned it earlier."
A sniff, and a small grin;
"Hey, but then we probs wouldn't have met, right?"
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Hange drops her hands from his shoulders, takes his grubby hands in hers instead.
"It's not easy to learn. It's not easy to do. I know. I... when my comrades died again and again... the loss was almost unbearable. I felt like I'd go insane... you'd think it would be easier if they were alive. For me it is in some ways. They're alive whether they appreciate what a gift that is or not. But I know that it still hurts... I know that it hurts you..."
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"Living is....a fuckload harder than dying, I'll give you that. It looks so easy from the outside."
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Hange's eye feels dry and hot.
"It's hard to survive. It's hard to carry on. But to pay respect to those that came before you, you must continue..."
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"Babes, I'm probably the most disrespectful person on this boat. But for you, I can try."
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Hange slowly slumps forward into a hug again, legging her head drop to rest on his shoulder.
"Unless I get an Admiral deal to revive them... or somehow retrieve them myself..."
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"Well, if anybody can graduate a demon, it's you, kid. You're already one for one. Hey, uh. Since you've got the memory of them, would it help to talk about them sometime? Memories are all the dead really have anyway."
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Hange wraps her arms around him briefly and just. Hangs. Hange-s.
She is heavy.
She takes her own weight back after a tiny bit.
"The good do die young. Bill thought we should've power-grabbed and made other people go outside the walls, but I wouldn't have loved them if they thought like that."
This is said with amusement. Oh, Bill.
"Woods."
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"Woods?"
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If Hange gets sad, it's going to be a wrestling match to get unsad again. Better to not let the low really dip in the first place. She does take her ex-inmate's hand, though.
"Someplace with lots of frogs."
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