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[beejfu]

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[beejfu]

[Betelgeuse is just going to stay on that chair, very much unable to stand up without his legs turning to jelly. He grins adoringly at Norton]

Totes. Whaddayah want?

[pharadyne]

I've wanted a few percussion grenades for a while--three would do. The thing is, you absolutely cannot tell the Admiral that they're for me or else he won't give them to you. Make the request for yourself, and then after a week or so, give them as a gift to me.

[beejfu]

Oh shit, nice choice.

You sure he won't catch me out? I'm an amazing liar but he's got this whole 1984 vibe going.

[pharadyne]

There's no reason for him to catch you out. You don't need to lie, just omit certain details. Ask him for the grenades for yourself, which will be entirely true, and omit that you want them for yourself to give them to me as a present.

[beejfu]

Okay. Hang on.

[he takes out his communicator and starts typing up a message to the Admiral]

[pharadyne]

[Norton waits patiently, spends the time smoothing any wrinkles out of his clothes and then inspecting his nails. He stays completely silent just in case Betelgeuse activates the audio.]

[beejfu]

[And not a minute later, three grenades made to Admiral specification pop into existence on the dining room table nearby]

Holy shit. Special delivery!

[pharadyne]

[Norton gasps in delight.]

That actually worked!

All right, now give them to me as a present.

[beejfu]

Oh my god. He trusts me. That's insane! NOBODY should trust me!

Okay!

[He stands up. And then sits back down, wary]

What if it's a trap?

[pharadyne]

If it's a trap, then they're probably already set to go off and we'll both die in seconds and then death toll.

[Norton waits for a few seconds. No explosion.]

[beejfu]

[He waits too. And there is definitely a disappointed groan when they DON'T explode.]

You want me to formally give you those? Christ, just take 'em.

[pharadyne]

[Norton beams like he's just been given a pony for his birthday and scampers over to collect the percussion grenades.]

Oo, aren't they gorgeous!

Thank you, darling. I'm going to go put these somewhere comfortable, but you know how to find me if you need anything.

[beejfu]

[He laughs, adoring]

Aw, you're welcome, babes. Just FYI, 'comfortable' doesn't mean 'up your ass.'

....I speak from experience.

[pharadyne]

[Norton pauses near the door at BJ's last sentence.]

With...grenades?

[He's had plenty of things up his arse in his day, but grenades have never crossed his mind and he's a bit upset that he's in a position where he has to think about it now.]

[beejfu]

[slowly, with emphasis]

I speak....from experience.

[pharadyne]

...

[...]

I'll just be off then.

[beejfu]

Good idea.