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[beejfu]

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[beejfu]

[he grins happily, pleased that he got Martin to laugh]

Exactly!

So come on. Open your comm and we'll take a look!

[corkscrewed]

That feels, uh. Invasive.

[ but he's pulling out his phone. ]

[beejfu]

[Betelgeuse pokes through the register, scrolling]

Okay. Okay. We need to figure out your type. Who's your ideal inmate, M-Dog?Quiet, loud, sexy, sulky, violent?

[corkscrewed]

Er - less so on violent. I don't really have a way of dealing with that.

[beejfu]

Got it. You skew young, old, male, or female?

[corkscrewed]

No preference there, honestly. Just someone I can help.

[beejfu]

Gotcha. Sweet, you're not picky. You want somebody that's talkative or one who's reclusive?

[corkscrewed]

Um - talkative?

[ he sounds unsure. ]

[beejfu]

Chatty Cathies. Got it.

SO. I've narrowed it down to three.

One is non-violent as they come but hella stubborn and you could be here for-EVER.

One is sweet as hell but may try to bone you.

One is sarcastic as shit and might be stand-offish.

[corkscrewed]

I'm not really worried about someone trying to, uh, bone me. [ he's very comfortable in his relationship!!! ]

[beejfu]

Then I think Antivirus is your best bet. He's a sweetheart. Has some shit relationships in the past and tends to be self-destructive but he won't kill you or your family.

[corkscrewed]

--there's someone here named Antivirus?

[beejfu]

There's someone here I CALL Antivirus, just like I call you Hushpuppy.

His real name's Norton.

[corkscrewed]

What's with the nickname?

[beejfu]

It's a my-universe joke, forget it.

[corkscrewed]

I wanna know. Explain it to me.

[beejfu]

Ugh. You know, you're the Herald of Anti-Humor. You don't EXPLAIN jokes. It kills them.

[corkscrewed]

[ he snorts. ] I'm trying to ask about your world, you know. As a friend?

[beejfu]

Oh. Huh. Weird.

Sorry, not used to..people being interested in my world.

[he pats Martin's kneecap and sits up]

It's just a bad half-pun about computer crap. Nothing important. There, happy?

[corkscrewed]

Yeah, actually, I am. [ pointedly!! ] I'm pretty good with computers, you know.

[beejfu]

No shit? What other hidden skills are lurking behind that boyish face?

[corkscrewed]

I-- what? Do I look like I'm not good at things?

[beejfu]

You look like a funky little piece of man-meat that somebody could just nosh on.

...Too much?

[corkscrewed]

[ martin doesn't seem offended- he's just laughing. ]

Funky man meat can still be good at computers, you know.

[beejfu]

Sexy AND smart! You're the whole package.

So! You wanna meet a potential new inmate? I can do the introductions!