[Okay Rhys is laughing now. Helplessly entertained by Betelgeuse's definition of phone sex. He becomes serious again when he's accused of illicit boyfriend jerking off.]
I was not! He didn't know what was going on until Ford started yelling at us!
[Rude of you Ford. Yelling at Rhys. Distracting Elijah from his work in the adjoining room.]
[If he were less miffed by having to lay down ground rules about sex in his house, Ford might have laughed. Instead he just waves a hand dismissively.]
I hadn't considered anything like that. Mostly, I've been using my own blood, and that's been working out fine, so...
After an inmate used me as a blood sacrifice, Bill and I whipped up an alchemical formula to make sure it never happened again.
[Ford rolls up his left sleeve, pushing the sweater and jacket up to his elbow to reveal a forearm tattoo that looks like someone did calculus with the Emerald Tablet. Most of it is tattoo, but a few of the symbols look drawn-on.]
Right now, this thing turns any blood that leaves my body into helium! But by replacing some of the symbols, I can change the substance it turns into. I've been diluting ammonia for cleaning for over a year now.
Horseriver. He graduated and left shortly after he killed me.
[Go figure, right? is in Ford's tone.]
Anyway, there's only one vampire on the ship I'm aware of, and we're on very good terms. But I suppose if we got another, they'd be in for a nasty surprise, ha ha!
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Re: VOICE
[Ford's voice comes through the communicator, a bit garbled and far off. Hard to make out:]
What was that, babe?
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[He fumbles the communicator, dropping it on the floor between him at Ford at being surprised.]
H-Hi, Tin Man! Y'see, funny story, uh...
[he twists around and seizes the comforter from the armchair behind him to wrap himself up in]
Re: VOICE
He looks at Betelgeuse's lack of pants.
He hears Rhys over the speakerphone.
....]
Are you having phone sex in my living room!?
Re: VOICE
Oh no don't laugh.
Rhys CLEARS HIS THROAT OVER THE COMMUNICATOR:]
So anyway we were thinking maybe tomorrow night? For dinner?
[THAT'S ALL THIS WAS, JUST INNOCENT DINNER PLANS BEING MADE.]
Re: VOICE
Dinner, Ford. Neither of us can see what our invitee is or is not wearing.
Re: VOICE
I wasn't! Phone sex is where you insert the phone into you! Everyone knows that, and as you can see I-
[he pauses at hearing a fourth voice on the line and demands, scandalized]
Rhys, were you jacking it with your boyfriend while we were having phone sex?!
Re: VOICE
Oh boy. Alright, well, Rhys is Elijah's problem.]
If you're going to have phone sex, do it somewhere besides my house! Take it to an empty cabin, there's plenty of those.
[--and, because he knows by now that Betelgeuse is the most sensitive and anxious murderdemon he's ever met, Ford is very clear here:]
You can come back when you're done.
Re: VOICE
I was not! He didn't know what was going on until Ford started yelling at us!
[Rude of you Ford. Yelling at Rhys. Distracting Elijah from his work in the adjoining room.]
VOICE
[and also maybe a bit of a troll]
Re: VOICE
No thanks, it's all gone soft now. Hey, can you help me find my pants? They're somewhere around here.
[a vague hand-wave at the living room]
Holy shit. Rhys; are you still there? Did I hear someone say dinner?
VOICE
Well, what would YOU have done if you'd found someone half naked in your living room?!
[An aside, to Betelgeuse:]
You can find your pants yourself.
Re: VOICE
[Complete deadpan, honest answer to that question.]
And yeah, dinner. Thursday night okay for you?
[ooc: I am absolutely mangling the timeline of these threads so please just mentally substitute any day there that makes sense.]
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[Elijah has nothing further to interject, so he'll be leaving you all alone for this.....very important and mature conversation.]
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Yeah! We'll be there!
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[He's just going to.....not tell Stan about that.]
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No -- encounters inside the Shack. It's hard enough keeping the place clean already. Understand?
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I'm kind of shocked you haven't found a way to like, clean something using light techniques or sonic waves or other science bullshit.
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I hadn't considered anything like that. Mostly, I've been using my own blood, and that's been working out fine, so...
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After an inmate used me as a blood sacrifice, Bill and I whipped up an alchemical formula to make sure it never happened again.
[Ford rolls up his left sleeve, pushing the sweater and jacket up to his elbow to reveal a forearm tattoo that looks like someone did calculus with the Emerald Tablet. Most of it is tattoo, but a few of the symbols look drawn-on.]
Right now, this thing turns any blood that leaves my body into helium! But by replacing some of the symbols, I can change the substance it turns into. I've been diluting ammonia for cleaning for over a year now.
[He scoots the sleeve back down.]
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Oh shit, nice. I bet vampires hate you, that's hilarious.
Who was the inmate?
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[Go figure, right? is in Ford's tone.]
Anyway, there's only one vampire on the ship I'm aware of, and we're on very good terms. But I suppose if we got another, they'd be in for a nasty surprise, ha ha!
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I mean, it's fucked up if you ever needed to give a kidney or a blood transfusion to your brother but great too!
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