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[beejfu]

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[14thcommander]

"You don't like exploring?"

Lolling over the arm of the chair dramatically, Hange makes an aggrieved grimace towards the ceiling.

"This pairing won't work out..."

[beejfu]

He hisses malevolently, but still reaches to try and pull her into his lap.

"Here, I'll go over my schedule."

[14thcommander]

She passively resists it, becoming all elbows, angles, dead weight, and knees at once. Sit next to the demon. Next to.

"Oh - yeah? What's your day to day."

cw; everything

[beejfu]

He cracks his fingers, or tries to. Hange's hand attached to his makes him accidentally crack some of hers, too.

"WELL. Let's see. From 2am to about 4am, I'm down here watching tv and jacking it to whatever's on. 4:30 I usually pass out. Then whenever I wake up, I check on Ford and see if I can turn on all the burners before he wakes up and starts smelling gas.

From there I usually head up on deck to sunbathe in the nude and do my exercises. 10:30 is choir practice. Around this time I like to hit on Martin and Jon, so I head down to the library and knock books over to get them to come out and yell so I can make one of them let me cop a feel before I'll leave.

Lunchtime, then an immediate hour on the can shitting out lunch. Text Bill on toilet, then go send dick pics to all my favorite hotties. Then it's free time! Sometimes what I like to do is see if I can sneak up on Jonesy and pick her up without her scratching my eyeballs. Other times I go chill out at the bar with Darlene and throw shit at the walls until she kicks me out. Other times I like to harass Taura into dying my hair weird colors or blackmail people into helping me paint my nails.

Dinnertime is usually twelve beers. And then I like to be back in my room in time for Rhys to make some late-night booty calls. He has the sexiest ass you've ever seen. This office twink I could bang against the copier allllll night long."

[14thcommander]

'An immediate hour on the can shitting out lunch' you better fucking not Betelgeuse. Not while they're stuck together. Hange smiles... and continues smiling... and smiling gamely.

"Do you know who Bill's warden is? We can hang out with Bill," she GUESSES, "But obviously his warden is in tow for now. Who's Jonesy?"

[beejfu]

"Iris' cat. She hates me."

[14thcommander]

"Great! We can hang out with Iris too."

That's the real takeaway here.

[beejfu]

"You're setting up playdates for me, now?"

[14thcommander]

“I’m trying to think of ways to kill a week when I can’t train and you aren’t free to run around and do your thing! We could do more theater stuff.”

That was fun. Hange actually has a pleasant singing voice and is willing to use it.

[beejfu]

"But I WANT to be free to run around and do my thing!" He pleads. "Oh god. Are we stuck like this forever? I can't deal with you cramping my style!"

Betelgeuse is going to start trying to gnaw his own arm off in a second.

[14thcommander]

"It's impossible for us to be stuck like this forever." God, don't even suggest that, Betelgeuse. "And you better stop whining, I probably won't be cliff jumping this week unless you seriously vex me, this is messing with both our routines."

Don't be a baby.

[beejfu]

An idea. He starts trying to drag Hange to the kitchen; if she won't go, he'll bodily try to pick her up.

"Come on, I know where Tin Man keeps the knives."

[14thcommander]

She resists until she hears those words and then she practically leaps into his arms, making an amazing endeavor at strangling him with her entire body.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no you're not!"

[beejfu]

"Oof!"

Not expecting the sudden wrestling woman in his arms, BJ very nearly loses his balance between the two of them and ends up sandwiched between Hange and a wall.

"It's not going to be YOUR skin I cut off!" He bellows back at her. "What the hell's the problem?!"

[14thcommander]

"I foresee these efforts going VERY WRONG," Hange shouts, "And as your warden it's probably my responsibility to stop you from damaging yourself!"

[beejfu]

"Try and stop me then!"

He shoves back from the wall and starts making for the kitchen.

[14thcommander]

Hange grabs him around the waist and throws all her weight against him. You stop!!!!

[beejfu]

"Jesus-" He swears before being smushed into the wall again. Nope; not having it.

Immediately he lets all his weight just drop to the ground and tries slithering out of Hange's grip like a goddamn snake.

He also tries kicking, which is noticeably not like a snake at all.

[14thcommander]

She tightens her grasp, he can’t slither away so easily!!! Though it loosens when he kicks, since she just has to take the hits. If he makes a break for it then he could shake free, though. They’re still stuck together. How far can he really escape?

“Stoppit.”

[beejfu]

Such a clawing for the door, this overdramatic baby.

"I can't believe I'm saying this to a hot girl...Get off me!"

[14thcommander]

Hange grabs for his wrist, aiming to twist his arm behind his back if she gets hold of it. Simultaneously she tries to roll them, aiming to pin him facedown on the floor with her sitting on top of him.

“You think you’ll get out of this that easily? No knives!”

[beejfu]

BJ ends up pressed against the ground, as he tries to buck Hange off of him to little success. He whines when she gets hold of his arm, fingers wiggling helplessly.

"I'm doing this for US!"

[14thcommander]

“There’s no possible way it could be that easy!”

Hange is prepared to sit here for as long as it takes.

“Face it. We’re stuck with each other. Shouldn’t this be enjoyable for you?”

[beejfu]

He tries to get up - oh, how he tries. But Betelgeuse's energy is spent from wailing and whining all day long, so now he has to sit on his stomach, trying to inch towards the kitchen with his fingers and being entirely unsuccessful.

"Oh yeah. VERY enjoyable, to be squashed like a bug and told where to do and what to go all the time!"

[14thcommander]

“Hey, come on, buck up now! I’m going to be cutting things out of my schedule too, for your sake, and we can do fun things. We can go to a bog and you can eat some insects and frogs there! We can do calisthenics with Jane Fonda! We can play around on stage again!”