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[14thcommander]

A sigh. A sigh again. And one more sigh. Hange gazes into space, a thousand yard stare like a veteran who's seen too much war, which she is.

Then she shakes herself out of it. Okay! No point being gloomy about it! Game face on! She gets up.

"Wow, great, amazing!" Her hand is limp like a dead fish, just to be an asshole about it. "We're starting this partnership off right, with going everywhere together and never letting go of each other for an entire week. This will be so fun! I expect you to attend me during my thrice-weekly cliff jumping sessions into the sea."

[beejfu]

"What?" He asks weakly, suspicious at first and then downright pale in the face.

"Whoa. No. No, no, NO Hange. No water. You don't just- we are staying here."

He drops down on the chair in the Mystery Shack, heedless of any effort to get him to move.

[14thcommander]

Gottim. Hange takes a seat on the arm of the chair and his hair fondly with her free hand.

"No water and you're gonna behave yourself at least to a certain extent. I understand an ambient level of bullshit is natural and normal for you."

[beejfu]

A little nod, like a surly toddler who's just thrown a temper tantrum and is now coming around because he misses physical affection.

"Yeah. Yeah, fine. Deal."

[14thcommander]

Hange takes a moment to sit there in silence and think about how all this might go. Also, since her hand is ruffling his hair (not for much longer because hey, what's CRAWLING on her), she realizes the hand clasping his has slipped free. Not hard, since she doesn't want to flip that skull back this time, she pulls at the hand on his head - this one's stuck now. She reaches out with her now-free hand and wiggles her fingers.

"Hand."

[beejfu]

"Hand?" He repeats, questioningly, before blinking at the hand he's now holding up, free of Hange's.

"Oh, shit. Look at that." He takes her hand in his, grasping it and drawing her in for a sudden attack hug.

"Gotcha!"

[14thcommander]

Stiffening, but laughing at the same time, Hange gets swept into the hug before she can resist. For a couple seconds she allows it, but doesn't return the embrace, before she leans in, folds her arm, and uses the elbow as a prod under his throat to push his head away.

"Enough."

[beejfu]

He gulps, and lets her go before he gets bruised further.

Most of her, at any rate. BJ's hand is still fastened to Hange's own.

"So, uh. What do we do now?"

[14thcommander]

"We're gonna hang out, I guess."

Hange nudges him over through some contrivances of elbows and hips, and wedges in the armchair next to him. This is a lot... closer than she'd normally get with someone she wasn't 1) trying to intimidate 2) intimately close to but they're warden and inmate now, intimately close is probably part of the package, like it or not, never put it in those words to Betelgeuse.

"You asked what I like to do before. I do a lot of training - which I guess gets put on hold this week. I explore in the enclosure from the almanac. We can go some places you like if you want. I favor wilderness myself. I paint what I see while I'm there, I work with clay in the art room, I read a lot..."

[beejfu]

The stripey demon rolls his eyes and starts using his hand to mime Hange speaking.

"Yap yap yap boring. We're not doing ANY of that."

[14thcommander]

"You don't like exploring?"

Lolling over the arm of the chair dramatically, Hange makes an aggrieved grimace towards the ceiling.

"This pairing won't work out..."

[beejfu]

He hisses malevolently, but still reaches to try and pull her into his lap.

"Here, I'll go over my schedule."

[14thcommander]

She passively resists it, becoming all elbows, angles, dead weight, and knees at once. Sit next to the demon. Next to.

"Oh - yeah? What's your day to day."

cw; everything

[beejfu]

He cracks his fingers, or tries to. Hange's hand attached to his makes him accidentally crack some of hers, too.

"WELL. Let's see. From 2am to about 4am, I'm down here watching tv and jacking it to whatever's on. 4:30 I usually pass out. Then whenever I wake up, I check on Ford and see if I can turn on all the burners before he wakes up and starts smelling gas.

From there I usually head up on deck to sunbathe in the nude and do my exercises. 10:30 is choir practice. Around this time I like to hit on Martin and Jon, so I head down to the library and knock books over to get them to come out and yell so I can make one of them let me cop a feel before I'll leave.

Lunchtime, then an immediate hour on the can shitting out lunch. Text Bill on toilet, then go send dick pics to all my favorite hotties. Then it's free time! Sometimes what I like to do is see if I can sneak up on Jonesy and pick her up without her scratching my eyeballs. Other times I go chill out at the bar with Darlene and throw shit at the walls until she kicks me out. Other times I like to harass Taura into dying my hair weird colors or blackmail people into helping me paint my nails.

Dinnertime is usually twelve beers. And then I like to be back in my room in time for Rhys to make some late-night booty calls. He has the sexiest ass you've ever seen. This office twink I could bang against the copier allllll night long."

[14thcommander]

'An immediate hour on the can shitting out lunch' you better fucking not Betelgeuse. Not while they're stuck together. Hange smiles... and continues smiling... and smiling gamely.

"Do you know who Bill's warden is? We can hang out with Bill," she GUESSES, "But obviously his warden is in tow for now. Who's Jonesy?"

[beejfu]

"Iris' cat. She hates me."

[14thcommander]

"Great! We can hang out with Iris too."

That's the real takeaway here.

[beejfu]

"You're setting up playdates for me, now?"

[14thcommander]

“I’m trying to think of ways to kill a week when I can’t train and you aren’t free to run around and do your thing! We could do more theater stuff.”

That was fun. Hange actually has a pleasant singing voice and is willing to use it.

[beejfu]

"But I WANT to be free to run around and do my thing!" He pleads. "Oh god. Are we stuck like this forever? I can't deal with you cramping my style!"

Betelgeuse is going to start trying to gnaw his own arm off in a second.

[14thcommander]

"It's impossible for us to be stuck like this forever." God, don't even suggest that, Betelgeuse. "And you better stop whining, I probably won't be cliff jumping this week unless you seriously vex me, this is messing with both our routines."

Don't be a baby.

[beejfu]

An idea. He starts trying to drag Hange to the kitchen; if she won't go, he'll bodily try to pick her up.

"Come on, I know where Tin Man keeps the knives."

[14thcommander]

She resists until she hears those words and then she practically leaps into his arms, making an amazing endeavor at strangling him with her entire body.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no you're not!"

[beejfu]

"Oof!"

Not expecting the sudden wrestling woman in his arms, BJ very nearly loses his balance between the two of them and ends up sandwiched between Hange and a wall.

"It's not going to be YOUR skin I cut off!" He bellows back at her. "What the hell's the problem?!"

[14thcommander]

"I foresee these efforts going VERY WRONG," Hange shouts, "And as your warden it's probably my responsibility to stop you from damaging yourself!"