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[beejfu]

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[corkscrewed]

I can definitely try.

[ but the color starts draining from him the moment they have an actionable plan in place. snakes are fine, but he hates worms, especially the kind that lunge and bite. he'll grab the plunger and try not to act like he's shaken by this stupid scenario. ]

I won't hurt her. [ on purpose ]

cw; blood, minor dismemberment

[beejfu]

Okay. I'mma sit and pretend I'm dead on the other side. She may not fall for it so close your eyes if you're squeamish.

[Good thing his warden thought to ask for BJ's healing abilities back because he starts to bite at his pinky finger until it manages to pop right off. using the bloody finger, he traces around the toilet bowl and leading it all the way up to the sinks on the other side.

Where he drops, eerily like a rag doll, onto the bathroom floor.]

[corkscrewed]

Christ-

[ he spits that out before he means to, distracted from the thought of worm by dismembered pinky. ]

Warn me first next time, would you?

[ and then, feeling vaguely like a complete idiot, he'll wield the plunger and wait for the snake. ]

[beejfu]

[no response!!! he is playing dead!. And shockingly good at it, go figure.


It doesn't take long.

Lured out by the smell of fresh blood and old corpse, there's a slither motion inside the toilet bowl. The sandworm curls herself up at the bottom, before rearing up and snapping at air.

Oh, okay. Body landed over there. Cool, cool.

She snaps both heads shut, starting to slither her way over to the dead man on the bathroom floor]

[corkscrewed]

[ oh, well, he fucking hates this.

martin stands there for a moment, completely paralyzed, before he jumps forward and tries to pin the worm down with the plunger without, you know, squishing her. ]

Oh my god.

[ why did he agree to playing with this ]

[beejfu]

[Sandy is being attacked! Oh my gosh!! The audacity of this living creature!

She squirms, half pinned, and starts to try and snap at the hand holding the plunger, teeth flashing as she squrims, going from coiled to striking! And! back! again!

why isn't this working oh right she's only the width of a few feet and is not used to this garbage of being small]

[corkscrewed]

Beetlejuice please tell me you are not actually dead and able to help me with your pet --

[ he's flinching every time she snaps. ]

[beejfu]

Rawr!

[from a dead sleep he lunges, seizing Sandy by her neck while she's in mid-strike and cooing affectionately]

Got you, you adorable monster.

Hey, nice moves, Hushpuppy! You got her!

[corkscrewed]

[ HAHA HE IS SHAKEN ]

Yeah, um - great! Thanks.

[ he is still white-knuckled on that plunger handle ]

[beejfu]

[Sandy keeps trying to bite the corpse man, who, as a treat, lets her snack on the pinky he gnawed off]

You okay kid? You look pale.

[corkscrewed]

Sorry. Uh. Just- a thing, you know.

[ he'll drop the plunger belatedly. ]

[beejfu]

Aw, she's a snake. Not a worm. I thought you liked snakes!

[He offers Sandy to Martin to investigate]

[corkscrewed]

Big ones. I like big snakes.

[ he's a little 0_0 right now ]

She's going to bite me.

[beejfu]

Me too. She used to be like thirty feet long but when she died, Hange and the Admiral made me shrink her.

[He draws his arms back protectively over Sandy]

That's why she's got such attitude now. How would you feel if you were suddenly a tenth your size?

[corkscrewed]

Sorry. I'm not trying to hurt her feelings-

[ he can't believe he's in a bathroom literally talking about bj's snake. ]

Maybe we could go sit somewhere? Not here.

[beejfu]

Oh no, she can't hear what we're saying, she's a snake.

[He coos to her. She tries to bite his nose off, coiled angrily]

Totes. Lead the way, Hushpuppy.

[corkscrewed]

[ martin will lead them out, but on the way - ]

So, uh, your finger--?

[beejfu]

Huh?

[He checks his hand. It's already sealed over, no longer bleeding, and even has a bit of skin growth to it]

Oh yeah. Nah, healing powers off-screen. If you don't look at it or point it out, it grows faster.

[corkscrewed]

Well. [ muttered: ] Not looking at it won't be a problem.

[ their cabin's off limits; he doesn't want the snake to meet his cat. ]

I guess we can just... sit in the hallway...?

[beejfu]

Oh, totally. She'd like that. Sorry about the biting, she doesn't really know her own strength.

But it comes in handy!

[He coos at her, stroking her head gently]

She can clean out the pipes when they get clogged full of shit.

[corkscrewed]

[ martin rolls his eyes and takes a seat in the hallway, his back against the wall. ]

I shouldn't be surprised you'd end up with a pet sandworm.

[beejfu]

[He plops down on the opposite side of Martin, legs out to touch Martin's and create a kind of playfield for Sandy]

Well, you don't get a lot of choices if you want a pet where I come from. 'All dogs go to heaven' is more than just a movie, pal.

[corkscrewed]

[ he's actually perking up at that!!! ]

Wait, are you being serious right now?

[ thank god for the dogs ]

[beejfu]

Well, yeah. It wouldn't be eternal damnation if you got to have adorable puppies running around.

Any kind of heaven is like 80 / 20 dogs, probably.

[corkscrewed]

Beetlejuice, I've got to be honest: this is the best news I've heard since I got to the Barge.